When listening to someone else speak, we are often formulating our reply while the other person is still talking. However, this means that we are not really listening to all that is being said.  Even good listeners are often guilty of critically evaluating what is being said before fully understanding the message that the speaker is trying to communicate.  The result is that assumptions are made and conclusions reached about the speaker's meaning that might be inaccurate.  This type of ineffective listening is not good or effective communication.

Even if we are not formulating a response whilst listening, we may still be thinking of other things albeit subconciously. During a conversation how often have thoughts such as "What am I going to have for my dinner", "Will I have time to finish that report?" or "I hope I am not late picking the kids up" crossed your mind? At such times, we are distracted and not giving our full attention to what is being said. In other words we are not actively listening to the speaker. Practising active listening can help us focus more carefully on the message and avoid distractions.

Active Listening

'Active listening' means listening with all of your senses.  As well as giving your full attention to the speaker, you must also be seen to be listening to them otherwise the speaker may conclude that you are not interested in what they are saying. You can communicate your interest to the speaker by using prompts such as maintaining eye contact, nodding your head and smiling to encourage them to continue. By providing this 'feedback', the person speaking will usually feel more at ease and therefore communicate more easily and honestly. 

Active listening is a skill that can be acquired and developed with practice.  However, this skill is not as easy to acquire as you might assume and will, therefore, take time and patience.  When you are able to practice good listening you will be able to distinguish it from bad listening (when full attention is not paid to the speaker).  Try to be aware of how you communicate, what kinds of words you use, and how you use body language and gestures.

The following techniques are used in active listening and, if you practice them often enough, you will develop your ability to listen actively and effectively.

• Maintain eye contact.  Look at the speaker naturally, without staring.  This will signal that you are listening to them and are interested in their message.
• Remain neutral and non-judgmental.  Try not to take sides or form opinions, especially early in the conversation.
• Check your own body language and gestures.  Ensure your own body language and gestures are not threatening.  A relaxed body posture, leaning forward slightly, is usually interpreted as a sign that you are interested and engaged in listening.
• Accept pauses and periods of silence.  Do not be tempted to jump in with questions or comments every time there is a few seconds of silence.  Active listening involves giving the other person time to explore their thoughts and feelings, and you should ensure adequate time is given for that..
• Encourage continuation.  Use nods, facial expressions, gestures, encouraging words and sounds to show interest and understanding.
• Give good voice messages.  Check your volume, speed and pitch.
• Body messages.  Your body language should support what you say and how you say it.

Blocks to Listening

There are many things that get in the way of listening and you should be aware of these blocks in order to be an effective listener.  Blocks can include:

• You find the comminicator attractive/unattractive and you pay more attention to how you feel about them to what they are saying.
• You are not interested in the topic/issue and become bored.
• Not focusing; being easily distracted.
• Feeling unwell or tired.
• Identifying rather than empathising.
• Sympathising rather than empathising.
• You are prejudiced or biased by race, gender, age, religion, etc.
• You have preconceived ideas.
• You make judgements.