“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.” Rachel Naomi Remen

Listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing refers to the sounds that you hear, whereas listening requires more than that: it requires focus. Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.

A good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what is left unsaid or only partially said. Listening involves observing body language and noticing inconsistencies between verbal and non-verbal messages. For example, if someone tells you that they are happy with their life but through gritted teeth or with tears filling their eyes, you should consider that the verbal and non-verbal messages are in conflict. Listening requires you to concentrate and use your other senses in addition to simply hearing the words spoken.

1. Stop Talking

We have two ears but only one mouth. Don't talk, although you may need to clarify when the other person has finished speaking.

2. Prepare Yourself to Listen

Focus on the speaker.  Put other things out of mind.

3. Put the Speaker at Ease

Help the speaker to feel free to speak.  Remember their needs and concerns. Nod or use other gestures or words to encourage them to continue.

4. Remove Distractions

Focus on what is being said: don’t doodle, shuffle papers, look out the window, or similar. Avoid unnecessary interruptions.

5. Empathise

Try to understand the other persons point of view. Look at issues from their perspective. Let go of preconceived ideas.

6. Be Patient

A pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished. Never finish a sentence for someone.

7. Avoid Personal Prejudice

Try to be impartial. Don’t become irritated and don’t let the person’s habits or manner distract you from what they are really saying.

8. Listen to the Tone

Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying.

9. Listen for Ideas – Not Just Words

You need to get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and pieces.

10. Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication

Gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements can all be important. (See non-verbal communication)

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Do not jump to conclusions about what you see and hear. You should always seek clarification to ensure that your understanding is correct.